Vegan restaurant.

I went to this vegan restaurant. I knew that I would have to compromise and try something healthy for me and ethical for the animal kingdom, made mainly with grains and vegetables.

I spent a bit more time than usual looking at the menu. At the end of the menu, I noticed something quite surprising. There was a dish called “lamb freegan — £15”. And I thought to myself, well this makes things easy, if it is true, as I had been having a hard time to understand the rest of the menu.

But how is it possible to have lamb in a vegan place? It must be some kind of joke played on the meat-eaters. They may be suggesting that meat-eaters should at least improve something about themselves, and for example consume only meat destined to be thrown away. Not 100% of vegan morality, but certainly environmentally friendly. Interesting! But do I want to eat almost expired meat? Let me ask the waiter for more details. Besides, the vegan options would be just fine.

– I would like to have the “lamb freegan” please. What is it exactly?

– Of course. It is a lamb which has been in our backyard and surrounding streets feeding itself on free stuff.

– Ah, that’s cool! So, the lamb is the freegan here, not me! Haha!

I was kind of startled. So, what is their idea? They offer lamb, which itself as a being has been conscious, more than the customer requesting to have it as a dish. It does not consume acres of land, but survives on the remnants of consumerism. They do not actually put customers’ health at risk offering ‘freegan’ products. The lamb itself chooses what can be consumed from the free stuff.

That is still a non-vegan option, though. They will still allow me to eat meat from a killed animal in their premises. Except if they had been waiting for its natural death, until it is run over by a car, or commit suicide! And then keep it in store for customers like me. “Just to let you know though, that it usually takes quite long to prepare this dish”, the waiter continues. At this point, I stopped speculating what else they might mean, and decided to go for it. ‘How long will it take, then?’, I asked.

– It depends on you, sir.

– On me?  Ah, no worries, I am ready to order. No doubts, sounds interesting anyway.

– Not quite that, sir. You would have to help us with the preparation.
– Oh like what, am I the one to cook the dish?, I asked smiling.
– No, no, we can do the cooking. You see, the lamb is currently feeding off the rubbish bin outside a nearby Tesco. Your task is to catch it and slaughter it. When you finish, you could use the bathroom to, you know, clean yourself off the blood, while we are cooking for you.
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Stephen Hawking casts his vote.

Stephen Hawking is working on a new ‘super-asymmetric’ theory, whereby we cast an asymmetric vote in the Jezza-red frequencies such that the Tories are sent to the nearest black hole.
However, the Jezza-red frequencies should be used only once upon a time, otherwise our solar system may turn into particles with extreme left spins leading to subzero temperatures, turning every citizen into a Trump supporter in hope that he will make everything possible to increase the temperature of the Earth. He smiled.
Then, Stephen made a serious face, and went on to say, “please cast your Jezza-red vote. If it passes from your mind that you might be turning into a communist, just try to think a bit faster than the speed of light and all thoughts will be undone”.

Trump for the Nobel Prize for Literature

I think we should nominate Trump for the Nobel of Literature. I am sure he will like the idea, as a narcissist he is. Obama has got one, albeit for Peace, and Trump really wants to do better than him. The most important reason is that he really deserves it.
What a great novelist does is to accelerate an irreversible kind of realisation of more and more world citizens. And Trump does this really well since the first day, superseding the effect of any existing great novel. Great novels manage to change the perception of the reader, but unfortunately not many people read (and not all the same novel). Trump is a living literary hero, the magical realism of the political figure. And everyone on the planet is ‘reading’ his live story every day since the start of the year!
By the end of his novel, there will be a long-term effect on the collective political memory of the human-kind. The realisation of how politicians have been playing the game of the demagogue, whether deliberately or not. That the politicians cannot save us. With every passing generation the lie has converged with the truth from day one, not after four or eight years or for the duration of a parliament. It no longer ends with a bubble of false promises bursting, and right after long enough time has passed by to believe to a new personality or someone old making a comeback with a promising new beginning.
It now starts with a bubble, because that is what it has been most of the times. An alternative fact, that the political class can bring a good enough consensus between the uncontrolled forces of society. Now there is not enough time to forget. And who can forget such a flawless narrative.
Don’t buy 1984 or Brave New World, as many people post on the social media. Don’t read at all, just watch this masterpiece.